Unspoken in the Family

 Good Morning everyone! Where you are in the world, I say welcome! A lot of news going around the world with the conflict in Ukraine, the Covid-19 outbreak in China, Roe v. Wade with U.S. Supreme Court and Mexico/Texas border. But I hope that this blog can be a safe place for everyone.

Today I want to address the family again, but with a new twist. This past week I have been pondering the thought of "Unspoken rules", this is a huge event that is happening in the family. But people do not recognize it until the children are older. Going into the science behind the reasons and effects of the unspoken rules. I will share a couple examples of my family that were unspoken rules. If anyone has experienced an unspoken rule in your family, positive or negative, I would to read about it.

It starts from the Family Systems Theory, which is defined as "a theory of human behavior that defines the family unit as a complex social system, in which members interact to influence each other's behavior."(ScienceDirect, 2022). The Family Systems Theory works around itself by giving roles of functions in the family. For example emotional demands, hierarchy, patriarchy, sibling roles, loyalty, different cultures, or mutual respect within the family. This is a pattern that is not just formed, but it is passed down by relatives of previous generations or developing your own dislikes or likeable attributes from other families. Every family has different ways to go about giving rules or if any rules. But in every family their has been a unspoken rule put into place by a parent or guardian.

Some examples that my family has done just to name a few. A big one was not to call my parents by their first names. My parents wanted us to call them by "Mom" or "Dad", and even to my grandparents "Grandma" and "Grandpa". They (my parents) had told me that it is rude and disrespectful to call them by their first names. And it was just a rule that I complied to without questioning it. Some might see this as a authoritarian or hierarchy act to the kids. But to me personally, it just prepared me to be respectful to my elders or people that have served above me. And it is also a mutual respect to those individuals that my parents want us to call by there respected suit.

Another unspoken rule was to always be grateful, say thank you to after any charitable act some does. My Mom especially drilled this into our minds to always be grateful, if she had caught my sisters and I not saying thank you. All three of us would get major consequences. But with growing up with following this unspoken rule, it just became a habit for me to always say thank you. Not saying that this is a method to brainwash, but this attribute has helped me to be a person full of gratitude for many peoples act of service towards me. This would be a unspoken rule that I will be teaching my children to follow. It is a good way to be a good contributor to society and to help people around you, and build a culture of gratitude around. 

What about everyone else? What unspoken rules were in your family, positivize or negative? How has this also changed society to follow into unspoken rules to follow. I would love to hear and others can relate to your story as well. Thank you everyone for reading my thoughts. Which is pretty cool and crazy to think about! Thank you everyone and stay safe!

Work Cited

1. ScienceDirect, (2022), Family Systems Theory, ScienceDirect, https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/family-systems-theory#:~:text=Family%20Systems%20Theory-,Family%20systems%20theory%20(Kerr%20and%20Bowen%2C%201988)%20is%20a,rather%20than%20as%20individual%20elements.